was reading some of my old writing and i hate to say that i find no beauty in them, just disgusting melodramatic artifice.

had a really long day. totally burnt out. was talking to choir people today. guess everyone is feeling kinda stressed up and on the edge now. nerves i guess. and fatigue. extreme fatigue. guess no one expected j2 to be like such. somehow i thought it would be fun instead of backbreaking work. everyone's unhappy and it sorta rubs off. people feel inadequate and we're rushing to do things that should be taken leisurely. music doesnt seem as fun as it should be now i guess.
somehow in hustling and bustling to meet our datelines we sorta lost the whole meaning of being in a choir. and the whole idea of a co curricular activity. the music just doesnt excite us anymore nor make us happy. we just do it and sing the notes cos we have to. even the usual im-so-crazy-let's-just-have-fun guys are feeling down. was talking to eman and jiangyuan and both of them were so strained and drained. it was just really depressing to see them as such. cant imagine how music com and exco is taking all this.
just kinda hope this whole thing will be over soon.and everyone will be their normal selves again! that'll be good.cos waking up to find my teeth clenched together from stress is certainly not how i want to spend the rest of my days.

for toe:

"Still I Rise"

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

--maya angelou

keep taking my free periods now to blog dont know why.
oh well heres a poem for all.

'I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings'
A free bird leaps
on the back of the win
and floats downstream
till the current ends
and dips his wings
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks
down his narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings
with fearful trill
of the things unknown
but longed for still
and is tune is heard
on the distant hillfor the caged bird
sings of freedom

The free bird thinks of another breeze
an the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn
and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing

The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.

-- Maya Angelou *her stuff is amazing*

RETRO!!! :)
heh. this is so cool.im typing this while nirwan is watching me type! and ave just called me a horny lazy blogger *gasp*. im so bored bored bored BORED! but i dont have a boring life!!! math math MATH MATH why do i hear snickers in the background? *sigh* being the only wonderful multi-talented terrific better-than-all-the-rest S1 art student can be quite overwhelming at times.heh. really liked the template though its pretty! reminds me of polka dots and big hair! AUSTIN POWERS!! ave just gave me a lousy pink flower. heh. nirwan is quite pissed off. i think this entry is pretty incoherent thus i shall stop. :P

heh just came back from suntec marche after having dinner with my class. kinda like a class farewell cos this girl that was in the class is going to aussie to study. yea took my SAT today nothing much to say about it. was just wondering today that maybe i spend too much time worrying about things that i want like good results and well a good job and stuff like that. heh. seems to odd to think abt them now but they're gonna be a reality in the near future so what the heck. yea. that silly idiot of yichung is watching a movie with alec tan. dunno what those two clowns are up to. hope its something good tho. miss that doinky idiot. thought i could call him but oh well.

heh. s'funny sometimes when you dont realize it the people around you grow up mature or change. was just talking to derr today and realized that he grew up kinda from the sec2 kid that i was close to. heh. guess it takes sometime for you to work past your impressions to actually realize the change.:) not that its anything bad in him maturing (in fact it is a great improvement) but yea just that well my pt is that sometimes we're so caught up in the material things about going places and doing things you cease to notice whats truly important - friends family and well everyone that you care and love.

my sister's been having a hard time these days. apparently she and my mom and dad has this monumental argument last night that ended with her sobbing incoherently. really worried dunno whether its nerves or pms thats affecting her. something tells me theres more tho. sigh.

so this is my 2nd day of rest at home finally!! and it feels FANTASTIC heh. been thinking these days abt the wisdom of staying back in school for four outta the five weekdays, kinda ridiculous i know when i think abt it now in retrospect. but oh well...think that i'd better cut down on alot of things. was talking to yichung last night and well it kinda made lotsa sense when he told me that i needed to cut down on my commitments. sometimes he's so mature it makes me feel like a kid!! and im dating this guy!! haha. had my first home cooked meal since a long long time by my granny's maid. she's staying over at our place now cos my granny is in the hospital. its really kinda sad but she didnt want the respirator to be put into her -- my parents said that she lost her will to live. i hope i dont come to that pt in life ever. but now shes stable and well i really hope she gets well soon. its really surprising that when you're young you were so close to this person but now as you grow old things change and you hardly seem to know her except as a piece of your memory. its so odd how we forget people so easily when we get caught up in this everyday bustle of meeting datelines and doing stuff. kinda reminds me of what jac said on the 22nd abt how its scary the way people sorta just slip out of our lifes. i guess many have been doing such since last year. and well i realize that relationships regardless of love or friendship requires such effort to sustain and i feel really sorry abt my lack of efforts in this particular area for the past year or so. friendships can be revived i hope and well regarding love i hope i never come to day when i forget abt my love for all that i care about. for that would be really sad indeed.

hmmm welll...decided to start this blog and figure out whats so addictive abt this whole blogging thing. seems like everyone is doing it! heh. sick today so decided to rest at home after getting early leave from school. think ive been too busy these days really need to rest. heh hope i dont screw up SAT this sat. oh well...best not to think too much abt it. :) heh.